pancake-less

The silence is broken by the pouring rain, the clang of kitchenware, the music from my laptop, and the dogs. The earth breathes out cold, damp air as the skies cry out in response and my sensitive feet freezes over. The absence of electricity drowns down my enthusiasm at getting my schoolwork done. The impending doom of Monday is hanging over my head and that dragging feeling of having to go to work makes the lazy monster creep out of its shell desperately trying to weaken my resolve at productivity. Damn you weather.

I absentmindedly sing along to the music. The angry wind starts lashing out and the trees respond with the same intensity. Knowing no fear, I sit calmly and listen. A sense of blissfulness wraps around me while the cold air bathes me in pain. The door slams.

pathologic procrastination

My head is filled with jumbled warnings and flashing red lights signaling the impending deadline I have to meet. My table is strewn with papers and note cards and stapled photocopies of documents that I need to work on immediately. The sense of urgency is weighing down on me yet my body refuses to snap out of this stupor. This all-too-familiar feeling of laziness and dread, of want and need, of sleep and sleeplessness.

I switched my phone on and checked my calender and a new wave of dread washes over me like cold sweat. I could hear the clock ticking and my professors' faces flash before my very eyes - tutting at me because I missed the deadline. I am having a nightmare and I am wide awake. I am Alice in Wonderland and I see the Cheshire Cat with his impish grin following me. I hear his voice in my ear saying something about festering wounds. Someone wake me up!

Put it off tomorrow. No, do it today. Leave me alone, why don't you?

the negative committee

This heavy feeling is weighing me down. I used to love entertaining the idea of permanence and stability. I looked forward to achieving it and my actions reflected that desire. The effort I put forth was magnanimous. I wanted it.

Now, tears are slowly sliding down my cheeks. This frustration is becoming far too overwhelming for me. You took away that sense of wonder that took me too long to nurture. It was finally there - I was finally there. You destroyed it.

There was a time when I would have welcomed the tiniest sliver of encouragement you could send my way. Somehow, I never expected you to encourage me to give up.