That pink flowered dress with the pink slip and the black and white sandals. The denim jumper with the v-neck t-shirt that says "cuteberry" on the front with blue flowers shaped like a heart, the socks and the heeled rubber Skechers. And then there was this salmon, peachy coloured knee-length dress that had laces on them and turned slightly neon green in the light. And the braids with the very Crayola Pink lipstick. Some mistakes can be permanently etched in your history. I have photos to prove it. These were prime Kodak moments.
So, I had an epiphany.
I am not a very decisive person. I am very bad at decision-making and often, when I am given permission to go crazy and actually choose between A or B, I get a splitting headache. My life is ridden with these poorly made decisions that had a permanent effect on my sanity and could possibly be the reason for my charming personality. Or my lack of self-esteem. I find it quite difficult to express what I want because my life has been set for me. In the guise of suggestions and nudges, I am manipulated into doing something I would greatly regret. But I know what I want now and it doesn't seem to matter because I have this reputation for not knowing what I want.
I feel trapped. But I'm not Joseph and in as much as I'd like to think I can grow a tree in this dark, dismal abyss of mine, positivity and cheerfulness are not among my many adorable attributes. I suck. In a magnanimous sort of way.
And the image of me wearing that halter mini-dress with the beads and the rhinestones in it, in all it's beigeness, comes to mind. Hello bitterness.
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