then

I remember being ten. I remember how it was to think of nothing but play. I remember standing on the table while mom would clean me up after a day's work of running, and jumping, and skipping, and hopping. I remember how it was to feel as if the world revolved around you. I was the sun. Bright with flames.

I remember being fourteen. I remember rejection and pain. I remember confusion and restlessness. I remember how I always refused to be categorized. I remember reading, and long hours on the phone. I remember carefree laughs and public transport. Diaries stashed away under the bed. Thoughts whirling about in my head. I remember boys and giggles. I remember secrets and lives. I was the moon. I shine while people turn themselves off. White and pure.

I remember being seventeen. I remember how everything looked new to me. I looked and searched. I worried and paced. I studied and wrote and did homework. I remember University. I remember independence and long lines. I remember being quiet. I remember being shy. I was careful with words but I was careless with everything else. I hid and pondered.

I remember now. Now is sane and structured. Now is about order and places. Now is about searching and deep thought. Now is about being an adult. Now is about responsibilities and sanity. It is about keeping your head above the water. Now is difficult. Now I don't know...

But I do remember being ten.