Thursday, November 14, 2013

the broken remote

Uncertainty is fearsome. The thought of not knowing the inevitable is anxiety provoking and oftentimes, it is accompanied with clichéd responses aimed at giving a person some semblance of comfort whilst patting them on the back muttering something about how patience is a virtue. What a bunch of bullshit.

It doesn’t delay the passing of time, nor does it provide us with clarity as to what lies behind the different doors that we are bound to face. I do not understand how patience can be construed as a virtue when all of our lives we are being lectured about how life is short and how time is gold and that it isn’t something to be wasted. There are two groups of opposing ideologies both revered by society as being infinitely wise yet not realising how cruelly contradicting they are. Do we sit and wait and be virtuous or should we hasten up the journey cramming everything in a second because life is short and death awaits us with an escort of regret smiling ever so scornfully to mouth the words “neener neener” because we haven’t done everything that we sought out to do?

In the midst of this human tragedy stands the girl who tries to fix her broken heart gathering up enough sanity to try and figure out how she is going to take the next step when the love of her life refuses to come back to her. Tears fill her eyes because somehow, crying is the only activity that her body can afford to perform at the moment. Her brain knows the answer and so does her heart, but what good can it do her when the love of her life chooses to torment her with the words “I don’t know what I want… I’m confused. Maybe. Someday. I don’t know. I need some space and time.”

Life is cruel. Somewhere, there’s a newborn baby taking a mouthful of air for the very first time and I am very jealous of the novelty of their life and the blankness of their slates. I wish I could live my life over, do things a bit differently, make smarter choices, stop and think and breathe. Maybe I wouldn’t be in so much pain. If we could all do that, maybe the world would be a happier place. If only life came with rewinds.